im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
