Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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