he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
