I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
