Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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