I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
