I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
