But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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