honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
