My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
