You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize