I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
