fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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