We won't sleep together?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
