Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i love accidental penises.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize