we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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