One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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