I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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