dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize