I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
