C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
