maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
