one might say we're banned from that church
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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