All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
