We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
