I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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