you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
