I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
