Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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