is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
