i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
