My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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