I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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