are you still at the devil's house?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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