So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
