I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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