I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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