Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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