did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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