Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
