Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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