They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she smelled like a LAN party
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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