She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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