The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
