Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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