you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
