I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
