4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
