This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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