an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
