Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
