It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
