how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
