I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
