Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
