I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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