If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
