I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
