So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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