Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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