This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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