You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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