its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
