She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
