I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
