Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
