I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize