thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have fence marks all over my body
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
