My sheets look like a crime scene.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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