There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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