Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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