Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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