Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
