doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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