Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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