I met the friendliest cop last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is Oprah even human
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
