he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
