I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
